Chasing Truth and Freedom

[Calaeus]

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:: A:\> LOGIN
:: Logged as: Calaeus
:: A:\> VRECSTART
:: Voice recording started
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... I've been recently asked about what do I believe in. The answer to this particular question I knew, and it was in fact always known to me, even long before my awakening. For me, it was always truth and freedom; freedom of choice, freedom to live the way you want to live, to make the mistakes you want to make, to associate yourself with people you choose to be around, and so on. It is what makes us human after all, wanting to be free and to live our way, to have control over our own lives.

At the time of my blissful ignorance I have never been very close with many people regardless of my job that forced constant communication with people. I did my part, but remained on the side, carefully choosing who I want to be friends with. Not that there was plenty of people lining up to get to know me. Hell no. I have barely found a group of less than half a dozen people that somewhat shared my view on the world and my interests, so there wasn't too much freedom of choice there.

Frankly speaking, even those people didn't completely get me, so I couldn't really call them friends or anything like that. Whenever I'd share my thoughts, my concerns about how trapped I feel, how it seems there's something wrong with this world, they'd just shrug, look at me weird and tell me to change my job or something. But this wasn't it. There was something I could barely see at the corner of my eye, subtle signals that made me feel caged, like I didn't really have control of my life. I always valued my freedom, so that nagging feeling was driving me mad.

That feeling was not always there, but slowly started coming to me at some point, can't even remember when. It was growing somewhere at the back of my head, bleeding my mind with its thorns in the process. Small things started to catch my attention, some things that just didn't seem completely right. As the time passed, it was becoming more and more insufferable, and I felt like I need to find what the hell is going on, whether my observations and concerns were on point, or whether I'm simply going mad and need help.

And so I searched, I looked through the newspapers, the internet, I looked through all available media trying to piece together all the things that have been bothering me. The only people I kept close started to keep distance because of my pursuit, or maybe I kept them at distance because I was so focused on it. Either way, it took me a long time, but at some point I've found a trail I could follow. A trail of breadcrumbs, in a matter of speaking, one that would lead me to the answers I've been searching for.

There was this group of people existing behind a veil of secrecy, who were leaving subtle hints for people like me to follow. Along the way their cryptic messages about the system trapping and controlling us all made it more and more clear for me that I was in fact not losing it, not unless it was a contagious madness. So these cryptic messages were speaking of the system holding us, about our minds being imprisoned, and eventually about the Matrix and the way to break free.

I had to see to the end of this road, I had to get to the truth and in touch with these people to learn what they knew as they seemed to have the answers I needed. Looking way back at these events, it's hard for me to say whether I found them or they found me. What matters is that they contacted me and offered me those answers, to show me what Matrix is. And so I followed, finally meeting the people which were so difficult to find it took me ages to get in touch with them after first encountering their trail.

Grim looking people and weird machinery greeted me there, and I knew I was at the right place. It was there I learned that this nagging feeling I had for so long was not unjustified, that I was indeed trapped all my life and that the reality was not what it seemed. Then and there they gave me a choice whether to open my eyes and see the truth, or whether to remain chained in this life. There was no hesitation on my part that I can remember. Fear? Yes, but no hesitation. I had no idea where this road was leading and what was waiting for me at the end of it, but I had to know.

I have been brought to the real world, which was nothing like what I imagined. At first, I was scared, I could barely breathe. This reality was brutal, merciless, world at war, humanity versus machines in this nightmarish wasteland. It was not long before that war ended and the truce ended the hostilities. At that time, though, it was a fight for humanity's survival, and I was awakened nearly at the final moments of that fight. I have heard of the legendary crew of Nebuchadnezzar; Morpheus, Neo and the rest. I've learned of the prophecy and coming end of the war.

Still, it was a grim reality. People were fighting machines in the real world, and in the Matrix, jacking in and working towards freeing people still trapped and unaware of the truth. Many lives were lost, but so many have also been saved. While I was not sold on the whole prophecy thing, I believed in freedom and truth. I, like many others, was finally free. I've seen the truth of this world, as well as the truth of what some people can do. Morpheus devoted his life to free as many people as he could and to end this war, I respected him and looked up to him. So many of us did.

And so I wanted to do the same as Morpheus and others like him, help in this struggle and help save those people still stuck in their pods. I have volunteered and after some training and careful consideration I was enlisted and taught all I had to know to survive in the Matrix. I have learned abilities, and with a push of a button by the operator, that I never would have thought I'd one day learn. Once I jacked back into the Matrix as redpill, I was looking at this world from a whole new perspective.

Everything was different for me now that my eyes were open and I understood what this system was, a prison designed to keep us ignorant and abused. But as any prison, this one also had guardians, and very dangerous at that. I've learned about them in my training and hoped I would be lucky enough not to see them early on. Hope dies last, they say. Those machines were, and still are, ruthlessly efficient. Me, a rookie, got so close to death so fast back then, at the very beginning, I genuinely started to question whether I made the right choice enlisting. I was afraid.

Fear of meeting Agents in the Matrix paralyzed me. I wanted to help, I wanted to be free, but I also wanted to be alive. But seems that many rookies felt the same way at the beginning, any perhaps many of the Zion operatives feel the same way years into the service. So I fought through my fear and got back in, assisting in various operations, mostly intel retrieval, where I've met a few Exile programs, some of them dangerous and extremely hostile. The beginnings were tough, but this danger, in time, hardened me and while the fear was still there, I was beginning to be much more focused.

I grew braver and more confident as we were nearing the end of the war, as I've been helping during those operations, and as I've seen Morpheus in action and even Neo. I was very skeptical about the whole prophecy thing and The One back then, but once I've seen with my own eyes what he can do, and in the end learned of his ultimate sacrifice, my doubts were swept away. In the end I got to be there to witness the end of the war and the truce between us and the machines. I was proud that I was able to contribute, at least in a small bit, to this victory.

It was not that long after that everything started going to hell again. Zion suffered a major loss when Morpheus was killed, and then we acquired a new enemy we did not expect, a bunch of extremists called Cypherites, making travel through both, real world and the Matrix so much more dangerous. By then I was better prepared to handle dangers and fighting our enemies. Still, I have lost count how many times I got my ass handed to me and nearly got myself killed, sometimes by my own stupidity and cockiness. Some things never change, do they.

Today I know well enough the truth that freedom comes at a cost and the price is always high. There are also always those who want to take it away, because it's easier and perhaps safer to submit. I, for one, will continue fighting, regardless of how tough it will be or how many new enemies will emerge from the shadows trying to stop us from saving the others. As I'm looking back at all of this, I regret nothing. Had I known where I'd end up after eating that red pill, I would gladly pay this price for freedom.

For the Zion.
Calaeus out.

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:: A:\> VRECSTOP
:: Voice recording stopped
:: A:\> SAVE
:: Voice recording saved in DIR B:\AUDIO\PERSONAL_LOG
:: A:\> LOGOUT
:: Logging out
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